1. |
Dizzy
03:32
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Oh, the room is spinning, and it seems that inertia is winning. Oh, I’m gonna be sick, the meds, they haven’t done the trick. I’m gonna be sick. You told me to “take this”, and you said to “make a fist. “Be strong”, you said… but even darkness, even in this abyss? Oh, I’m gonna be sick. I’m gonna be sick. Now, I’m weaker than before. And, without help, I can’t be peeled off of this floor. Yeah… I know how this works. I just submit, and swallow the pills handed out by clerks. But, I’m empty. I’m hollow… hollow. The room is still spinning, and I’m dizzy… dizzy. Fuck this treatment, and all the pills that line my windowsills. I’ll no longer take a med, when it’s bullets I need instead. Oh, I’m dizzy.
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2. |
Private Pain Made Public
02:35
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It was supposed to be private, but I made it public. We didn’t have a fucking chance. Those forty days spiraled out of control fucking fast on what we thought was a death bed. But it could have been, man… but, it was just in MY head. Oh, that needle was so long. And the serious talks, so damn strong. Oh… we were doomed! But, it was thoughtless of me to put our lives on display. I was hurt, but it was selfish to broadcast our lives on the airwaves. For everyone, I broadcast our lives on the air. Oh, I’m sorry… I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…
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3. |
While the Iron’s Hot
04:54
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I’ve got this momentum, this drive. And, with my mind brewing in dark thought, I’ll strike while the iron’s hot. I suppose, I should settle the fuck down, unfurrow my brow. The tears add up and I fear I may drown. I’m in a waiting game, stoking a flame with no name. Burning bright, each and every night. Biding time and taking aim and pummeling all those around me, wild with glee… I’m a banshee. From this glimmering sea, I send a murder of crows, as arrows, guilt free. “Oh, it’s not you, it’s me…”, it’s time to reload. Yeah, if I don’t keep this up, this barrage, I’ll implode. You see, the fire was hot, clearly my clarity was not. While the fire’s hot, hot, hot, hot, whether I am or am not. Now, I’m alone. You see, this wasn’t just your home. I’m in a circe of flame, with only myself to blame. I’ve been playin’ with fire. I’ve been playin’ with fire. Fire. Oh no… this fire. I’m consumed by my fire. I’m a-flame in my own shame, for when I lit up this place—while tryin’ to save face—to my rescue, no one came.
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4. |
In Awe and In Anger
03:58
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And I thought this would destroy me. Admit it, you thought so to… you did. But instead it, it fucking it consumed me. I’ve been told diseases, they often do. “Hey man, it could always be worse.” And, you said, “Hey brother”, you said, “You should count your blessings”. But how do you count blessings on crippled fucking fingers, yeah? Fine, fine, fine… Ok, fine… it’s better to have nerves and feel this, than never felt at all.
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5. |
Making My Peace
04:31
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I’m seeking peace. Or shall I cease the direction and path, this journey I’m on in this body that I have leased? Oh captain, my captain, is there even anyone driving this ship towards the rocks? We’ll surely be battered and capsized, turned over and fed, fed to the sharks. Should we have pride and brave this ride or cower inside, escaping the tide? Say our peace or our prayers or am I the only sailer that cares… am I? I have more salt water in my lungs than oxygen for our last songs sung. And I have more fear than I have luck, always have, always will, sorry crew… we’re fucked. Oh, we’ll sink or swim, or feed the sharks. Sink or swim, or feed the sharks… oh, feeding the sharks. So I’m making my peace on a coral reef, making my peace in the belly of a beast, making my peace, storm blown’ from the East, making my peace in the belly of a beast.
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6. |
Kirikane
04:33
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I’ll adorn myself in gold and lavish style. With pride up on the shelf, grinning all the while. Holding head up high, higher than before. For there is no job greater than being a mirror’s whore. Oh, and I see you gasp as we pass? Did I see you gasp… as we passed? Do you wanna BE me, or do you wanna END me? Flattery will get you close, looking up on bended knee. Perhaps I should just think this through, it seems I’m not above you. How could this be, how could this be… I was so sure. I’d done the math, with no detour from calculating sovereignty… in all honesty. In all honesty, I only thought of me. Irresponsibly, I only thought of me. In all honesty, I only thought that there was me. Behold, I’m wrong again… a hundredfold. I wanted you to shower me in gold, thought I was the one who broke the mold? I only broke this damn mask that I wear to save face.
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7. |
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In the past, as a broken ship’s mast, battered, and torn, and downcast… and it went by so fast. But how about the forecast, what’s comin’ our way? What’s rollin’ in, rollin’ in, rollin’ in? The storm couldn’t be worse, than that brutal first that left me cursed… it left me cursed. Let’s hope we have seen the worst. That was then and this is now. Oh, yeah. That was then, this is now. I’d like to think I’ve grown stronger somehow… that was then and this is now. It was just the start, of a lesson tough to learn… one I’ll take to heart and can not overturn.
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8. |
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So slow… can’t get off these tracks. The rumble, and the squealing aural attacks. And, there is no one at the wheel of this monster of steel. It won’t let me sleep, I just wanna sleep. Too tired to fight, all through this torturous night. I’d even take a night’s mare, darkness leading me anywhere. Eyelids removed, so I stare. Eyelids removed, so I stare. Release my hands. You have no use for them, I know you understand. I demand, hands be damned. Release me, locomotive train. A passenger, I never was, though I cried in vain. Release me with a kiss of peace, I plea. Release me with a kiss of peace, I plea. Long nights on these slow trains… all nerves of steel reduced to migraines.
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9. |
Sacrosanct
03:29
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It’s too much pressure, I put on you. It’s too much pressure, I put on myself. This fucking distance is suffocating me… but, you are perfect for me. I never thought I would ever believe my own words, the things I say. I mean, it’s “you”.
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The Lumbar Endeavor
Heavy sonic and visual offerings by musician/vocalist Aaron D.C. Edge (of Process Black, Hellvetika, Bible Black Tyrant, Ramprasad) and soundscape/field recorder + illustrator André Trindade (CVSPE).
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